I am going to begin my last round of chemotherapy this Friday. I have been distraught about beginning again. I know what chemotherapy feels like because I have gone through it a few times and this knowing has produced high anxiety within me over the last 3 weeks. My chemo treatment will be over a 4 month period once a week. I have cried, thought about the anxiety medicine I could take to help me get through it, cried some more, prayed and prayed, talked it over with anyone who will listen, cried some more and then I had an awesome dream....
One of the great things about being a cancer patient is that no one minds if you take a nap any time, mid-morning, afternoon, right when dinner is being made...it's so nice! Saturday afternoon I took one of my power naps and right before I woke up I had a dream that I was walking toward a parade, the air was fresh and the sun was shining. I had my beautiful red hair back and the sunshine was giving it a lovely auburn glow. I was touching it and feeling so grateful to have hair again. The wind was blowing in just the right movie star way and I was happy and smiling from ear to ear. What once was lost had come again and then I woke up. It was a simple dream but the message that came into my heart was that there will be better days ahead. I will one day be happily walking towards parades, there will be sun in Seattle again. I will one day not be sick every day. My hair will return. And my kids will one day not have to be asked every day how is your mom doing because I will be healthy and well. I believe God wanted me to know that better days are ahead so that I can face the next four months with courage, faith and hope.
I know I must find joy during my treatment too and I will try but I cannot lie when February 28th arrives....I will be on my way to better days.
